We know our life is shifting.

There is a reason for every season. Corny, but true. Often times, as we move from one phase of life to the next, we transition, bringing along family and friends to experience and share in it. You are never truly alone. There are always familiarities that accompany us along the way. But, there are those rare moments in life when it is a solo journey and there is a "lack" of transition. Rather, there is a clear and distinct line that separates "then" and "now." God does not give us time to comfortably prepare, He just says, GO! 

On August 2nd, I celebrated my birthday. As I blew out my candle, I looked around the room filled with faces that I did not know two months prior. Not one. Not one of these people existed in the paradigm of my life, yet they stood encouraging me, loving me, believing in me, and celebrating with me. This was the family in Christ that I was desperately crying out for. This was God's thunderous response to my prayer. There could not have been greater clarity of His faithfulness.

Be it sharp or smooth, the transitions of our lives keep coming, if we like it or not. With each phase of change comes loss: loss of circumstances, relationships, safety, and predictability. With each phase of change comes gain: gain of circumstances, relationships, safety, but this time hope. By choice or by circumstance, life changes us, digging deep within us with self reflection and self honesty that challenge our values and holds us accountable for the choices of our lives. Is this what it means to be in the truth of our pain, when the veil between the world lost and the world hoped for is lifted for a moment...? Take a deep breath. This is a sacred moment between you and the Almighty. I have learned not to squeeze grief or force tears, for I wait for the opportunity to experience something that is natural within me, when my Spirit has something to say. I cherish those moments because the grief and the tears do not comfort my self pity, ego or flesh, but rather it is an honest moment when I  know that my Spirit is grieving with me.

"Let the dead bury their own..." He said, “Anyone who puts his hand to the plow and looks back, isn’t fit for the Kingdom of God.” I often think that as Christians, we are not to move straight forward, but upward forward (does that make sense?): But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call....." Philippians 3:13-4

I am given the free gift of new possibilities. I have not earned this. It is given to me through the grace and mercy of God because He continues to have more hope in me than I have in myself. His voice whispers that there is beauty around the corner, but He needs to shatter my worldview before I can come face to face with the promised beauty. He needs to strengthen my perspective, positioning me in different angles in order to open my heart and mind to truth. I remind myself that 'possibilities' means ANY possibility, not only a life of bliss. I remind myself that Christ followed the path of obedience, knowingly to His 'possibility', which was death on the cross.

This past Wednesday evening, I was at my church attending the Spanish service. I shared with some friends about the new wonderful potential opportunities that God had placed before me, guiding me towards His will. I shared my opportunities with great excitement, joy and hope. But as the service began, I went into my own world, paying little attention to Pastor Jeff Adams preaching. I fell into a deep trance reflecting on the bold mission God is preparing for me. With anxiety prowling, I said to myself "Oh my God, this is going to be a long journey. This is not going to be an easy. This is going to be hard. Very hard.. I am only at the starting line!!!" God never once said our mission would be easy, rather He clearly warned us of the many difficulties we are to face, even being hated by the world. I thought about all the obstacles, struggles and sacrifices. I doubted my ability, but most heart piercing was that I doubted the power of God at work within me. As I sat pondering these thoughts giving every opportunity to the enemy, I suddenly noticed a note at one of the last empty pages of my Bible that I had written to myself only 4 days before I took the leap of faith and came to KC on Wednesday, June 13th, 2012.  I did not see or remember the note until that very moment. The service came to an end, and I sat there overcome with tears. God is so good. Here is a picture of the note. It reads:

Just when I doubted my ability and the journey in which I know God has called me to, my Lord reminded me of the promise I made to Him on June 9th, 2012, weeping on the floor behind the closed door of my sister's room. Thank you Lord. I pray you continue to hold me accountable to the promise I made you.

Yesterday, my friend, mentor and pastor Jeff Adams went to Tulsa to attend the funeral service for Dr.Clifford Clark. Jeff spoke to me briefly about the service and the man. Dr.Clifford Clark passed away at the age of 88 years old and was on the short list of the five most influential people in Jeff's life. In my opinion, you must be one extraordinary person to be on Jeff's list.  I woke up this morning in deep thought. When Jeff made that profound statement to me "He was one of the top five most influential people in my life," I took it in with my mind, but not with my heart. I woke up convicted about it. This man who I look up to so admirably just lost one of his great mentors, and I didn't inquire. I didn't ask questions. Instead of reflecting on the effect of Dr.Clifford Clark on Jeff's life, my mind had focused on the race he endured. I choose not to even fathom this thought, but I am forced to think about that dreadful day when it will be me telling about the passing of one of my mentors. 

This morning, God took me back to my thoughts and tears at the Wednesday Spanish service about the tough road ahead and the promise I made to Him. He connected it to Jeff's blog this morning about the life of Dr. Clifford Clark, using his life as a reminder and example of a hard and enduring life of a Christian soldier.  He said to me, "Look at the story of this man, my child Clifford. He was a loyal servant. He served me. He delighted in me. He trusted me. He obeyed me. His journey was long. His journey was hard. His journey was so so hard. But he endured. For my sake."

This is what Dr.Clifford Clark did as a Christ soldier: "From his base in Tulsa, Clifford helped begin 14 other churches in Eastern Oklahoma and he would go on to minister in over 40 countries. From his own church, no less than 177 people entered some form of Christian vocational ministry through the years. He became a friend and mentor to pastors and missionaries spanning the globe. He resigned the pastorate in 1985 and became a senior missionary spokesman and minister until the very end. The fire in his belly to seek God’s glory in his global mission was never extinguished until the day of his death." ((http://drjeffadams.com/2012/08/31/people-of-great-influence/)

Lord, I pray that in my last breath, in my last thought, in my last reflection, through my last words, that I may confidently and peacefully say with full conviction: "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7

A Bold Sacrifice.

BOLDNESS

 "And the Lord said to Paul  one night in a vision: Do not be afraid, but go on speaking and do not be silent, for I am with you, and no will attack you to harm you, for I have many in this city who are my people" Acts 18:9

This is the confidence the Lord puts before us to go out into the world boldly proclaiming the Word of God without fear.

Once again, a question emerged that has the potential to shatter the very foundation of my faith. With a trembling heart I say, answering this question with pure honesty can rip the veil off any Christian's spiritual existence. WOULD YOU TRULY LAY DOWN YOUR LIFE FOR THE SAKE OF CHRIST? 

 

We say "yes" to this question with words, 
but the early martyrs said “yes” with their lives.

In the book of John, Peter says to Jesus, “Lord, why can’t I follow you now? I will lay down my life for you.” He wants to follow Jesus even to the point of giving up his life. Peter's words mimic the statement many Christians proclaim in their faith, with mere words, rather than a true declaration and seal upon the tablet of the heart.  But Jesus replies,  "Very truly, I tell you, before the cock crows, you will have denied me three times.” We can see the reflection of ourselves in this powerful and intimate scene.  Are we like Peter, promising our lives to Christ to the point of death, only to deny Him when the moment of truth is faced?

"If you do not stand firm in faith, you will not be firm at all." Isaiah 7:9

What does the question of laying down our lives for the sake of Christ have to do with boldness? So, the Lord took me to the book of Acts where boldness is fully and passionately exemplified, to the point of death. Acts 3-4 details the church’s earliest efforts in evangelism as the disciples began proclaiming the good news post Pentecost. Peter and John were arrested for their presentation of Christ and the next day the two apostles were called to answer to the religious leaders for their actions. Peter did not dilute his boldness in any way, choosing instead to proclaim the good news again. "...Lord, look upon their threats and grant to your servants to continue to speak your word with BOLDNESS." Acts 4:29  "...Now when they saw the BOLDNESS of Peter and John...."  Acts 4:13"And they were filled with the Holy Spirit and continued to speak the word of God with BOLDNESS" Acts 4:31

Boldness is the Spirit-given conviction that we must speak the power and truth of Christ as our Lord and savior.  Boldness comes from the confidence we have in Christ, for who He is, what He did for us, what He can do, and for what He will do. The Greek term translating bold or boldly or boldness, means “candor in the face of opposition.” Boldness is the biblical manner in which God wants the Gospel given. "...that words may be given to me in opening my mouth BOLDLY to proclaim the mystery of the gospel" Ephesians 6:19 The consequence of boldness in the book of Acts was BOTH life and death. Life IN Christ as “Many of those who had heard the word believed, and the number of the men came to be about five thousand” Acts 4:4 The consequence was thousands attaining new life in Christ as saved souls inheriting the kingdom of God! Acts 13:48-9 Also, life to the church, "...So the churches were strengthened in the faith, and they increased in numbers daily" Acts 16:5 The consequence of boldness in the book of Acts was also death, "He killed James the brother of John with the sword...." Acts 12:2 "And as they were stoning Stephen, he called out, “Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.” And falling to his knees he cried out with a loud voice, Lord, do not hold this sin against them. And when he had said this, he fell asleep." Acts 7:59-60

Boldness is not a matter of arrogance, aggressiveness or forced ideals. We are not to develop our own methods based upon personality or passion.  Biblical boldness is a confidence and directness that is not discourteous, and a forthrightness that is not insensitive. "Let not corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear it." Ephesians 4:29 Yes, we are to open our mouths and unapologetically testify to the saving power of Jesus Christ, BUT as Jesus proclaimed, "...Be wise as serpents, and harmless as doves" Matthew 10:16 Biblical boldness is standing firm in faith in Christ upon the foundation of love, for it is "for" the love of Christ that we proclaim the good news. Within His teachings, frustrations, anger, betrayal and even in the moment of death, EVERYTHING Christ did was IN love and in patience. Christ exemplified ultimate boldness, as all who heard Him were astonished at His teachings..."I must preach the good news of the kingdom of God to the other towns as well, for I was sent for this purpose," Luke 4:43 We as His ambassadors were also sent for this purpose. Now consider this: If we are to share the Word of God boldly with the world as Jesus commanded us to do, and since WE ARE the living Word of God, in essence, we are commissioned to be bold. Consider Paul and Barnabas at Iconium, preaching the Word of God... "Now at Inconium they entered together into the Jewish synagogue and spoke in such a way that a great number of both Jews and Greeks believed...... so they remained for a long time, speaking boldly FOR the Lord" Acts 14:1 !!

  A great example of Christ's boldness is found in the beginning of His ministry when He was rejected from the synagogue in Nazareth. In Luke 4:18-19, Jesus quotes Isaiah declaring His mission, 

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me,
because he has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives
and recovering of sight to the blind,
to set at liberty those who are oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor."

Christ quoted this verse from the scroll of Isaiah to show grace by choosing to exclude the last verse from the original passage that included, "...and the day of vengeance of our Lord" Isaiah 61:2. He took the passage from one that was perceived by the Jews to declare God's vengeance against their enemies, to one that was transformed to embody grace. And to top it off, He sat down after reading the passage and said, "Today this Scripture has been fulfilled in your hearing." Luke 4:21 Wow, what boldness! When members of the synagogue , "....heard these things, all in the synagogue were filled with wrath.... and they rose up and drove Him out of town...." Luke 4:28-9

The dilemma with Christian evangelism today is that we want the fruit without the fallout. The matter of "offending" someone due to social hindrances is of higher concern and regards than truth. We stand accused of shying away from the gospel. "For who ever is ashamed of Me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him will the Son of Man also be ashamed when He comes in the glory of His Father with the Holy Angels.” Mark 8:38 We want to be the aroma of life to those who are being saved without being the aroma of death to those who are perishing 2 Corinthians 2:15 We have lost the Biblical principal of boldness, where fear has no place! 2 Timothy 1:7 tells us that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power. The pages of Acts speak about Peter (Acts 12:3) and John being imprisoned for their boldness, having power over fear! The pages of Acts speak about Paul and Silas being stoned and beaten for their boldness, firmly resisting fear! (Acts 14:19) (Acts 16:22-3) The pages of Acts speak about James (Acts 12;2) and Stephen dying for their boldness (Acts 7:60), thus trampling over fear!  Christ Himself was crucified for His boldness, conquering over both fear and death! How authentically bold is your Christianity against fear?

Spiritual boldness for Christ bursts forth from a satisfied and courage's soul that rejoices in His sacrifice and promise. Boldness is rooted from a deep inner conviction that gratefully and humbly clings to the promise of eternity. "I send you forth as lambs among wolves", therefore our boldness for the sake of Christ is the willingness to take rejection and to not shy away from the fear of offending an "offensive" generation. "When an attempt was made by both Gentiles and Jews, with their rulers, to mistreat them and to stone them (Peter and Baranbas)........ they continued to preach the gospel." Acts 14:4;7 Each time the apostles were rejected, persecuted, mistreated or ridiculed, they returned and continued to preach the Word of God, with even greater boldness, "offending," but also saving many. Even after being rejected, beaten, stoned and imprisoned, both Paul and Silas "were praying and singing hymns to God, and the prisoners listened to them...." Acts 16:25 I replace my fear of "rejection" and "offending" another with the glorious image of angles watching in amazement and a heavenly father smiling down at His loyal servant. You and I have been placed in this world to boldly proclaim the grace of God.

The martyrism of Stephen especially sat heavy upon my heart. His death for the sake of Christ uniquely pierced me because of his dynamic strength as he was "full of faith" and "of the Holy Spirit." He was willing to face fear with unwavering boldness...to the point of death.  I connected with him as I desperately pray and seek to have the same strength to exemplify my faithful service. Apostle John saw in his vision of the millennium those martyred for their faith reigning with Christ for a thousand years Revelations 20:4. The Apostle Peter, who wrote the most about martyrdom and suffering for one’s faith, said, “If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you... However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name” Peter 4:14, 16 God does not call everyone to make the ultimate sacrifice, but the Bible calls all Christians to be "prepared" to give a defense of the hope within us.... IF needed, would we be "WILLING" to suffer and sacrifice our earthly lives? "The wicked flee when no one pursues, but the righteous are BOLD as a lion" Proverbs 28:1

"Fear not them which kill the body,
but are not able to kill the soul."

 

".....But they could not get to Stephen’s spirit. He continued to be a man of

grace to the very end because he kept Christ at the center. As they were venting

their fury at Stephen’s message, Stephen’s eyes were fixed on the risen Christ.

As the rocks crashed down on him and his life ebbed away, he called on Jesus to

extend the grace that he himself had received to those who were now executing

him."

The Bible does not teach us to seek to be martyrs for the cause of Christ, for man can deceive oneself even in the very act of martyrism by actually being motivated by self glory. Jesus said, “When they persecute you in one town, flee to the next” Matthew 10:23 We saw that the early church continually fled from intense persecution for the sake of survival Acts 8:1, 9:25, 30; 14:6 When Jesus says, “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it” Matthew 10:39, He is not calling for people to make an attempt to lose their lives. Rather, He is calling us to be willing to lose our lives for His sake.

We often easily attach the word suffer to the Christian life, proclaiming that we will suffer for Christ. Well, lets take it to the next level.... lets take it to the cross! Would you not merely suffer, but also endure cruel tortures that take your mind and body to the very brink of death and beyond? Would you be so bold, with full courage and conviction to the point of death? Conviction without courage, like faith without works, is quite dead.We may preach with boldness, but would we die for His sake with boldness? The world is against Christ and will be against our boldness IN Him. But we are not of this world. We belong to the Kingdom of God.  "If you were of the world, the world would love you as it’s own; but because you are not of the world, but I choose you out of the world, therefore the world hates you.” John 15:19

I say again, one must answer this question from their deepest spiritual core, for the answer has the potential to rip "your" version of Christianity apart. All I know is this: "...By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us."  

 Would I do the same for Him? 

Reflecting on my own personal walk with the Lord, I began to see my boldness come to life with great passion and conviction when I changed my mindset from merely "being a Christian" to "living for Christ" You may disagree, but there is a difference. My greatest example of my boldness came when I told my 6"3 Muslim father whom I was always afraid of growing up that I loved God more than I loved him. I stood firm in faith with unbridled confidence that, " In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God..." Ephesians 6:16-17 This verse is an illustration of an equipped soldier ready for battle indeed!   The issue I faced from both believers and non believers, which eventually had me questioning my own boldness was this: Is my boldness for the glory of God or for my own glory? Was it my deceptive attempt to prove and showcase my faith to others? The enemy has the potential to do wonders with this moment of self questioning. After taking this to the Lord and talking to Him about it, I can stand with full peace and conviction of heart that my boldness is for the glory of God.  By nature I have an "activist" heart and God will use that for me to proclaim His Truth without fear. I have confidence that my boldness is for the glory of God and not Man because I am willing without a moment of thought to turn my back on my family, friends and anything else that has the potential to hold me back from truly living for Christ. I am joyfully willing to suffer for His sake, welcoming rejection, abandonment and ridicule, for the glory that awaits me in the kingdom.  Saying, knowing and truly living this truth with full conviction allows me to tearfully answer my question. Yes, I would lay down my life for the sake of Christ. 

 I have a picture in my mind. A heart throbbing, yet hopeful picture of faithful sacrifice by early followers of Christ. So often the brutal realities of genocides, persecutions and martyrisms merely signify statistics to us. There are no faces attached to those numbers, so we can go on living our daily lives uninterrupted. We hold no true emotional burden or anchor to those sacrifices. We are a numb generation to past and present tragedies.  Momentary grief and momentary reflection.  Over. Next.

As a follower of Christ, I must never lose sight of such ultimate sacrifices. I must never lose sight of the cross! "...Strengthening the souls of the disciples, encouraging them to continue in the faith, and saying that through many tribulations we must enter the kingdom of God" Acts 14:22 No matter the pain, no matter the heartbreaks, no matter the disappointments, and no matter the hardships.... I have not suffered enough. I am reminded that no matter how much I 'think' I am sacrificing and suffering for His sake, I have not had to give up my life for Him.  

But He did for me.

  
The book of Acts closes with: "He lived there two whole years at his own expense, and welcomed all who came to him, proclaiming the kingdom of God and teaching about the Lord Jesus Christ with all boldness and without hindrance." Acts 28:30-1 Until the very last verse in Acts and Paul's life, the ministry of Christ was exemplified bravely. My concluding question is: When and why has the boldness in the great commission within our generations fizzled away? 

May God's love and truth be at the heart of our boldness. 

Bruised, beaten and battered to the gates......

"Give me the love that leads the way, The faith that nothing can dismay, The hope no disappointments tire, The passion that will burn like fire. Make me thy fuel, O flame of God."

God’s presence is to forsake all for Him and to Him. Let go of everything. Relinquish all to Him. Maintain no control over anything! Just to have God in charge of all things FOR you is enough. Each prayer time must be submitted to God’s sovereign direction that His will be done, without objection! With this acceptance and obedience, we attain immeasurable joy and sweet peace. 

“Agree with God, and be at peace; thereby good will come to you. Receive instruction from His mouth, and lay up His words in your heart. If you return to the Almighty you will be built up……. For then you will delight yourself in the Almighty and lift up your face to God. You will make your prayer to Him, and He will hear you, and you will pay your vows. You will decide on a matter and it will be established for you, and light will shine on your way.” Job 22:21-28

In the same breathe, I emphasize that we do not "obey" in order to get blessings. We obey as a reflection of our faithfulness, thus glorifying Him. He does not merely bless us because we obey, but rather He blesses us because He loves us for our faithfulness. I quote my friend Jay, "Obedience is faith put into practice." I REMIND MYSELF THAT MY LORD OWES ME NOTHING! I AM NOT DESERVING OF ANY BLESSING! Yet, He loves me, protects me, blesses me... because of His splendid grace.  (see my post http://mariyadost.blogspot.com/2012/06/faith-is.html )

I am at the end of my self-righteousness, self-effort, self-reliance… we must be at the end of SELF. Lean in on your thorns!!! Our Lord said: I am not going to deliver you out of your pain. I am going to deliver you THROUGH your pain. "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."

I cry out to God to help change my prayers from one that seeks to have Him fulfill my selfish desires which I have convinced myself to be pure, to prayers that only seek Him! Yes, I trust I can go to my Lord in prayer about anything, for nothing is too small. Yes, I pray for love, a wonderful husband, children, security, success etc. but I must FIRST seek Him. Yet, my prayers are often a check list of things I want and need. I "say" I seek Him first, but I don't. Do I truly pray with great honesty, passion and conviction to become more like Him?  Do I pray to praise Him with thanksgiving? I am blessed to know Him, to live for Him, and to hope in Him!! I have been given true freedom! Freedom in Christ, breaking away all chains from this paralyzing world. Focusing on God, knowing God, obeying God, trusting God, and LIVING for God's purpose in me and His glory, is the only thing I must desire for with my whole heart. His love is sufficient. THEN, "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you" John 15:7 Be a passionate and sincere seeker! “Lord, continue to ignite my heart for you, continue to feed my hunger!” Let your prayers be shouts of joy for your desperate need for Him! We pray with words, but God listens to our hearts, and it is not what we say to Him, but what He says to us.

Let us be wise in our perspective! When I graduated university, I asked my mentor/professor (who I remember to be a man of faith) to give me advice I could take into the world to guide me. He simply said, “Power is perspective. Power is position!” I did not really understand that until now. All power belongs to God. God IS all power. As we seek to imitate Christ in our Christian walk, we must also strive to see the world through the perspective and position of the Spirit and not the flesh. Therefore, power is perspective now means to me that as I think, act and react from the perspective of the Spirit of God that dwells in me, I stand strong in the presence of God’s power. That perspective is power! That position is power! God’s power!

I am learning to constantly examine my daily walk with you Lord, so that I may be assured that I am not deceiving myself. "Examine yourselves to see if your faith is genuine. Test yourselves"( 2 Corinthians 13:5) I may be able to deceive myself and the world of unrighteous behavior, but not my all knowing and all powerful God. Examine one self! Every step of the way! For when I “believed” I was holy, I was not. For when I “thought” I was blameless, I was not. For the eyes of the Lord is always upon my heart, so I must examine my Christian walk everyday. Point out my transgressions and my foolish ways oh Lord!…. I shall repent and my heart will be transformed with your sweet grace and mercy. Let me see my sin!! Let it consume me and bring me to my knees. My daily sins must joyfully remind me that I am desperately needy of Him!! Discipline me Lord!! May I feel your wrath, for you say, “Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge!” Proverbs 12:1

“….But he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.” Hebrews 12:10-11

May our road to the gates of heaven be hard, painful, full of suffering…. May we be mocked at, spit on, beaten and proclaimed insane! What an honor. Although we be tempted, we pray to never take the easy or cheating road. May the wound of every hurt, betrayal, abandonment, sorrow and grief be a reminder of the wounds inflicted on our savior. Through His wounds, we are healed. May we not forget! May we endure it! We shall walk through the narrow gate, you and I. Nothing shall break you and I. Nothing shall separate you and I from God’s infinite love. Nothing shall deter you and I from the race ahead. May we arrive to heavens gates bruised, beaten, battered and worn out. “Share in suffering as a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No soldier gets entangled in civilian pursuits, since his aim is to please the one who enlisted him” 2 Timothy 2:3-4 Victory is already ours.

I am happily and willingly enslaved to Him who loves me without measure. Although we may finish the race bruised and full of dirt, His blood has cleansed us... His glory shines through us and His power radiates within us. In Him, we are complete.