There is a reason for every season. Corny, but true. Often times, as we move from one phase of life to the next, we transition, bringing along family and friends to experience and share in it. You are never truly alone. There are always familiarities that accompany us along the way. But, there are those rare moments in life when it is a solo journey and there is a "lack" of transition. Rather, there is a clear and distinct line that separates "then" and "now." God does not give us time to comfortably prepare, He just says, GO!
On August 2nd, I celebrated my birthday. As I blew out my candle, I looked around the room filled with faces that I did not know two months prior. Not one. Not one of these people existed in the paradigm of my life, yet they stood encouraging me, loving me, believing in me, and celebrating with me. This was the family in Christ that I was desperately crying out for. This was God's thunderous response to my prayer. There could not have been greater clarity of His faithfulness.
"Let the dead bury their own..." He said, “Anyone who puts his hand to the plow and looks back, isn’t fit for the Kingdom of God.” I often think that as Christians, we are not to move straight forward, but upward forward (does that make sense?): But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call....." Philippians 3:13-4
I am given the free gift of new possibilities. I have not earned this. It is given to me through the grace and mercy of God because He continues to have more hope in me than I have in myself. His voice whispers that there is beauty around the corner, but He needs to shatter my worldview before I can come face to face with the promised beauty. He needs to strengthen my perspective, positioning me in different angles in order to open my heart and mind to truth. I remind myself that 'possibilities' means ANY
possibility, not only a life of bliss. I remind myself that Christ
followed the path of obedience, knowingly to His 'possibility', which was death on
the cross.
On August 2nd, I celebrated my birthday. As I blew out my candle, I looked around the room filled with faces that I did not know two months prior. Not one. Not one of these people existed in the paradigm of my life, yet they stood encouraging me, loving me, believing in me, and celebrating with me. This was the family in Christ that I was desperately crying out for. This was God's thunderous response to my prayer. There could not have been greater clarity of His faithfulness.
Be
it sharp or smooth, the transitions of our lives keep coming, if we
like it or not. With each phase of change comes loss: loss
of circumstances, relationships, safety, and predictability. With each
phase of change comes gain: gain of circumstances, relationships,
safety, but this time hope. By choice or by circumstance, life changes
us, digging deep within us with self reflection and self honesty that
challenge our values and holds us accountable for the choices of our
lives. Is this what it means to be in the truth of our pain, when the
veil between the world lost and the world hoped for is lifted for a
moment...? Take a deep breath. This is a sacred moment between you and
the Almighty. I have learned not to squeeze grief or force tears, for I
wait for the opportunity to experience something that is natural within
me, when my Spirit has something to say. I cherish those moments because
the grief and the tears do not comfort my self pity, ego or flesh, but
rather it is an honest moment when I know that my Spirit is grieving
with me.
"Let the dead bury their own..." He said, “Anyone who puts his hand to the plow and looks back, isn’t fit for the Kingdom of God.” I often think that as Christians, we are not to move straight forward, but upward forward (does that make sense?): But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead. I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call....." Philippians 3:13-4
This past Wednesday evening, I was at my church attending the Spanish service. I shared with some friends about the new wonderful potential opportunities that God had placed before me, guiding me towards His will. I shared my opportunities with great excitement, joy and hope. But as the service began, I went into my own world, paying little attention to Pastor Jeff Adams preaching. I fell into a deep trance reflecting on the bold mission God is preparing for me. With anxiety prowling, I said to myself "Oh my God, this is going to be a long journey. This is not going to be an easy. This is going to be hard. Very hard.. I am only at the starting line!!!" God never once said our mission would be easy, rather He clearly warned us of the many difficulties we are to face, even being hated by the world. I thought about all the obstacles, struggles and sacrifices. I doubted my ability, but most heart piercing was that I doubted the power of God at work within me. As I sat pondering these thoughts giving every opportunity to the enemy, I suddenly noticed a note at one of the last empty pages of my Bible that I had written to myself only 4 days before I took the leap of faith and came to KC on Wednesday, June 13th, 2012. I did not see or remember the note until that very moment. The service came to an end, and I sat there overcome with tears. God is so good. Here is a picture of the note. It reads:
Just when I doubted my ability and the journey in which I know God has called me to, my Lord reminded me of the promise I made to Him on June 9th, 2012, weeping on the floor behind the closed door of my sister's room. Thank you Lord. I pray you continue to hold me accountable to the promise I made you.
Yesterday, my friend, mentor and pastor Jeff Adams went to Tulsa to attend the funeral service for Dr.Clifford Clark. Jeff spoke to me briefly about the service and the man. Dr.Clifford Clark passed away at the age of 88 years old and was on the short list of the five most influential people in Jeff's life. In my opinion, you must be one extraordinary person to be on Jeff's list. I woke up this morning in deep thought. When Jeff made that profound statement to me "He was one of the top five most influential people in my life," I took it in with my mind, but not with my heart. I woke up convicted about it. This man who I look up to so admirably just lost one of his great mentors, and I didn't inquire. I didn't ask questions. Instead of reflecting on the effect of Dr.Clifford Clark on Jeff's life, my mind had focused on the race he endured. I choose not to even fathom this thought, but I am forced to think about that dreadful day when it will be me telling about the passing of one of my mentors.
This morning, God took me back to my thoughts and tears at the Wednesday Spanish service about the tough road ahead and the promise I made to Him. He connected it to Jeff's blog this morning about the life of Dr. Clifford Clark, using his life as a reminder and example of a hard and enduring life of a Christian soldier. He said to me, "Look at the story of this man, my child Clifford. He was a loyal servant. He served me. He delighted in me. He trusted me. He obeyed me. His journey was long. His journey was hard. His journey was so so hard. But he endured. For my sake."
This is what Dr.Clifford Clark did as a Christ soldier: "From his base in Tulsa, Clifford helped begin 14 other churches in Eastern Oklahoma and he would go on to minister in over 40 countries. From his own church, no less than 177 people entered some form of Christian vocational ministry through the years. He became a friend and mentor to pastors and missionaries spanning the globe. He resigned the pastorate in 1985 and became a senior missionary spokesman and minister until the very end. The fire in his belly to seek God’s glory in his global mission was never extinguished until the day of his death." ((http://drjeffadams.com/2012/08/31/people-of-great-influence/)
Lord, I pray that in my last breath, in my last thought, in my last reflection, through my last words, that I may confidently and peacefully say with full conviction: "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7
This morning, God took me back to my thoughts and tears at the Wednesday Spanish service about the tough road ahead and the promise I made to Him. He connected it to Jeff's blog this morning about the life of Dr. Clifford Clark, using his life as a reminder and example of a hard and enduring life of a Christian soldier. He said to me, "Look at the story of this man, my child Clifford. He was a loyal servant. He served me. He delighted in me. He trusted me. He obeyed me. His journey was long. His journey was hard. His journey was so so hard. But he endured. For my sake."
This is what Dr.Clifford Clark did as a Christ soldier: "From his base in Tulsa, Clifford helped begin 14 other churches in Eastern Oklahoma and he would go on to minister in over 40 countries. From his own church, no less than 177 people entered some form of Christian vocational ministry through the years. He became a friend and mentor to pastors and missionaries spanning the globe. He resigned the pastorate in 1985 and became a senior missionary spokesman and minister until the very end. The fire in his belly to seek God’s glory in his global mission was never extinguished until the day of his death." ((http://drjeffadams.com/2012/08/31/people-of-great-influence/)
Lord, I pray that in my last breath, in my last thought, in my last reflection, through my last words, that I may confidently and peacefully say with full conviction: "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." 2 Timothy 4:7
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